The Mood Around Me

I have been working to allow myself to become a ‘recovering’ people pleaser.  It takes a lot of self-reflection and looking within, but I am now becoming more aware and able to address many people pleasing issues when they arise.

Feeling I had moved ahead, I was very surprised recently to notice a situation that reminded me I am very sensitive to the mood around me. And it came about in a most unusual circumstance…..

I was laying in bed, watching a re-run of Johnny Carson when this overwhelming sense of urgency for another washed over me.  During his monologue, Johnny and Doc have a discussion where Doc says the band has been working on a piece to play for the show. Johnny says they will work that in.

After the monologue, which wasn’t very funny, a series of jokes were presented, that were even less funny. As this is failing, a comment is made to Doc again about working the band in. I am thinking, ‘this bit you are doing is not funny, let’s hear the band.’  Despite my attempt at sending an ESP message to Johnny, he continues with the unfunny bit, comments to Doc, then the first guest is introduced. The interaction with the guest is not especially interesting. I think, let Doc  and the band play. Comments exchange between Doc and Johnny – I feel a tension between the two – I am amazed at the feeling washing over me.

Another guest comes on. Another tension filled comment about time is exchanged with Doc. I put myself in the position of the guest and think, guest, you need to defer to the band. Why are you going on like this? Can’t you feel the tension? I try to remind myself the guest is there and focused on his own agenda, as he should be. That is why he was booked and what he is being paid for.

Johnny makes a comment to Doc there is no time and ends the show.  My heart is racing. Why didn’t they make time adjustments? Why didn’t they let the band play? What was that all about?

I couldn’t go to sleep. I was upset because I sensed a tension. There was nothing I could do about it. This happened 30 some odd years ago! And I am filled with the tension because of what I perceived took place on the set.  Was there really a tension? I don’t know for certain either way. I just know what I saw from my vantage point. Something was happening – someone was upset – something needed to be fixed.

I have been looking for what triggers my desire to please others and bring peace. I was amazed to see this button get tripped.  I will certainly be facing this issue next.

Have you noticed any people pleasing or group mood tensions affect your life?  How do you face them?

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