Voices in My Head

I suffer from a problem I am sure none of you ever face. I experience bouts of low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

I know, I know, this is unfamiliar to you, but if you will allow me to share my story with you, perhaps you will have a clearer understanding.

Inside my head are a bunch of ping pong balls that bounce around triggering thoughts and ideas – sometimes they run in supercharge mode and hit all the negative nerves inside my brain …and occasionally hit on ones I didn’t know existed. These negative thoughts turn the volume up until nothing else can be heard except the slow and steady drumming. Think of that car that passes by your house with bass turned so high the windows rattle. Yeah, that’s my mind-field.

Several months ago my small group did a video study by Pastor Steve Furtick. I had never heard of this guy, but the title looked interesting – Crash The Chatterbox.

In this study he described the thoughts we have and voices we listen to as a factory, and we must maintain quality control. That was interesting in itself, but what really got my attention were the sessions where he ‘interviewed the chatterbox’. He personalized the chatterbox by having someone portray this chatterbox. He demeaned the interviewer, reminded him of his failures, and hinted at others displeasure of him. It appealed to me because, by placing a face and personality to this negative trait, it changed the way I looked at ‘the ping pong balls’.

Taking my cue from the chatterbox interview I created my own ‘chatterbox’. I used one of my teddy bears.

Are you a Star Trek fan? Do you know what happens when a crew member in a red shirt joins the away team? Yeah, that person won’t be back. The term “red shirt” is defined on Wikipedia as a stock character in fiction who dies soon after being introduced.

So, I got out one of my Star Trek bears, dressed appropriately in a red shirt, and named him “chatterbox”. When the negativity strikes I tell my red shirt chatterbox to shut up.

Occasionally, before dying, a red shirt will say something that may be referred to throughout the show. Thus, my red shirt doesn’t always stay quiet. So, I created a NO CHATTERBOX ALLOWED sign. I put the bear in the box and ban it from mind. Hey, whatever works!

Still, the chatterbox tries to call out to me. I need another defense!

This one comes in the form of a Tiara. Every woman should have a tiara.

It started in fun. I commented one day needing a tiara to remind me I am a daughter of the King and my wonderful husband, on his next trip to run errands, picked up a tiara for me.

I put the tiara on to remind myself of my worth. I am royalty! My Heavenly Father is the King!

In a quick check of google I found some tips on how royalty is to be treated. Here are a few tips I learned and modified to tell my chatterbox it was unwelcome.

• Do not initiate conversation with royalty – Chatterbox, you may not start with me

• During a formal dinner, stop eating when the queen does – Chatterbox, stop chewing on my life, my past failures, perceived indiscretions, and inaccuracies.

• A non-royal must never touch a person of royalty – chatterbox, keep your distance; and stay out of my head!!

• Most importantly, take the lead from the royal person – Chatterbox, please leave me alone.

Yes, this is silly. But when I get a glimpse of myself with my tiara as I pass a mirror or see my reflection in a window or even in the monitor of my computer, I get a little smile. I stand a little taller. I walk with a surer step. I have the strength to block the chatterbox out.

Is it silly if it works? Yes, it is probably still silly. But there are is so much negativity around us it seeps into lives and can take over. We must find ways to see beyond it, to change the focus and the self talk.

For me, it’s a teddy bear in a box with a not welcome sign on it and a tiara on my head. How do you destroy the chatterbox in your life?