Why are you not getting ahead? Are you having difficulty finding opportunities, or could it be you’re not taking the opportunities when they come to you?
Often, people don’t succeed because they’re engaging in self-defeating behaviors. If you’re not performing at the level you think you should be; you might want to consider whether or not you have become your own worst enemy.
How can you tell? Look for these four signs:
You Use the Emergency Exit
Do you tend to get close to the completion of a project only to back out at the last minute? When you feel the need to bail, it’s typically because you’re afraid to take the last step. Maybe you are worried that it won’t work out, or worse, you’re worried that it will. It’s not uncommon to back away from things that frighten us. This is why some people tend to find a reason to end a relationship the moment they start to feel close to the other person. It’s also why you may (even if unconsciously) sabotage yourself at work when you hear you’re being considered for a promotion.
When you put things off, it often means you are feeling unsure about what you’re doing. If you feel like your skills are not up to the task, or you’re not confident regarding the next step, or you are just plain overwhelmed, it’s natural to put things off, hoping that they’ll seem more apparent later. The problem is this clarity rarely comes. In truth, you wind up sinking when you could have reached for a life jacket by asking for help.
You Bury Yourself in Something Else Entirely
Are you easily distracted? If you’re worried about the outcome of one project, it’s not uncommon to throw yourself into another. This helps you keep your mind off of what worries you. It also keeps you from getting done what you need to.
You Give Yourself the Wrong Pep Talk
Instead of using some positive self-talk to get things done, you (perhaps even unknowlingly) use negative self-talk to keep you from trying. Over time, it become very easy to convince yourself that you are a failure. Why do you do it? Because if you believe it’s not going to work out, you don’t have to start in the first place.
All of these behaviors can have a seriously detrimental effect on what you are doing. You truly become an expert at being your own worst enemy, especially when you are trying to accomplish something which involves any manner of risk, or the task is personally important to you.
What can you do?
Find an Accountability Partner
Whether a trusted friend, life coach, or other professional, find someone who will ask you the hard questions, remind you of your worth, and hold you accountable to your commitments.
Stop the Negative Self-Talk
Do not accept from yourself negativity you would not give to your child. Find ways to ‘catch’ your negative self-talk and learn to change those words.
Realize a Mistake is Not a Failure
Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to accept that you are not and cannot be perfect. Perfection is not possible. Accept ‘your best’.
Give Yourself the Right Pep Talk
If a loved came to you looking for encouragement to move forward on a project, what would you tell them? How would you help them to find the good within themselves? Now give that talk to yourself. You are valuable, you are worthy, and yes, you are good enough.
It takes time
Making behavior changes does not happen overnight. Take steps to learn about yourself. Make small changes and celebrate when you notice your accomplishment.
If you are looking for a life coach to help you, I would be happy to talk with you.